Rison

It seemed only yesterday I saw my step dad...he was acting so normal, so much happier. Before Thanksgiving, Robin and some of the family (including myself) were enjoying a breakfast and JB's together. He made jokes, he laughed...yet his intentions would all boil down to this, overdoseing on the anti-depressant pills, perscribed to him to help, but instead used to kill himself with. To think that he is not with us anymore, I can't fathom what was really SO bad in his life that he had to end it all. He had made so many accomplishments in life, and touched so many other's hearts. He was a pillar in so many people's lives, I guess so much pressure and dependece was laid apon him, and it just built to much for his fragile mind and body to handle.

I saw his body at the mortuary a few days ago...I saw his lifeless, dead body..I couldn't even stand without swaying or shaking, I fell back into one of the chairs that was in the small room. Seeing his sunken in face, and swollen body laying there was a real reallity check. Robin is dead. I was so shocked that it finally hit me, I couldn't even breathe. My mouth quivered, and my eyes flooded with tears. He didn't deserve to be so unhappy...

After my mom, my aunt Dianna, David, and I saw his body, we were driven by a Michelle, a friend of ours, to the place he decided to end his life. He was in a place near Oak Grove when he was found, it is up in the mountains around pine valley. The place had spectacular views, the mountain ranges could be seen for hundreds of miles surrounding the place. It was majestic and surreal..in a way, it was a dignified place to die.

On the way from the camp sight he was at, we saw some rocks on the side of the road that had been arranged so it spelled out a word. Michelle said that she had seen that word there years ago, but she could never tell what it said. I looked at it for a while thinking, it looks like the word...run? no..rain?...no. It felt more like I heard the word in my head than saw it there "Rison" I said aloud. Everyone looked at me surprised, "oh my god! it does say rison!" My mom liked that idea. Michelle told me I had a -good eye- we all stood around and looked at the views and the rock word for a bit longer, then headed back home. Who ever placed those rocks there had no idea that we would see them. They probably just had there own inside meaning reason to do it. But somehow, it felt like we were meant to see it there, and take in the message.