A wandering soul

Once again Robin has taken off, and I am sick and tired of this stupid "pity me" thing he keeps trying to put in our heads. I love the man to death, and I wouldn't rather have any other father in the world...But I can only take so much of this shit from him.

Okay, first he just leaves with out telling my mom, over a counselors appointment. He could have just said- "I don't want to go." or "I want to stay home." or something! No. He has to run. That has been his hobby lately, he leaches to his own selfish state of mind, like he doesn't care about anything anymore. He left before him and my mother's first year anniversary. He left before thanksgiving...There is most certainly a pattern in his disappearances. I believe that he can't deal with the embarrassment of the family seeing him like this. He doesn't want to answer all of those questions, or see all of those strange looks and gestures. He just wants to be alone, and perhaps being so alone that he is driven to the point of suicide.

Today my mom took myself, and David, a friend of ours, to Kolob mountain. We weren't just up there to enjoy the scenery. We were looking in cliff areas in which he may have decided to drive off of. I still don't see how he could even think about doing these things...He even told my mom a little while ago that he didn't want to live anymore. It almost seems like he has lost all of his ambition, all of his emotion, just ripped off and let go into the wind. I feel like I should be crying my eyes out, yet no pain really has come to me yet. Maybe I just haven't felt the aftershock of it all yet. Who knows....

As I was up on those mountains looking out at the beautiful landscape I wondered. If Robin is still out there somewhere, what is going through his mind right now? Does he even want to come back home? I mean this is the third time he has done this...Does that mean he is going to strike out? End it all? I can't help but wonder, even though I hate imagining what he could have done to himself. I just miss the old days, when everything was okay. He was upbeat, loving, spiritual, and intellectual. I remember if I had a question, he would always have some kind of answer, even if he didn't really know what the answer really was. He was giving, and humble. God...I miss those days. It seems strange that he would just flip around to this evil state. Why someone like him? I guess he has lived an amazing life. He has done it all, to acting, producing, radio talkshow, teacher, musician, writer, mountain man, you name it, he's done it.

Well, thankful we never found him in Kolob. I don't know what it would have been like to find my own stepdad dead somewhere.....The outing was actually pretty nice. It kept our minds off of it all for a bit, being able to see all of the spectacular views, and smell the fresh air. My mom even made a stop at a home out in the middle of a field of wheat. Apparently he was an old friend of hers she had known from a while back. Polite, odd, and British. This guy makes things out of metal, he has a passion for the arts, and he makes anything out of anything. His home was painted in bright colors that all correlated. Every wall was something new, he built his home, including everything in it.

When the three of us (Myself, David, and my mom) stepped in the house, to our surprise there was a full table of people eating dinner. They all greeted us with warming smiles and let us come in. I was even offered for someone to take my coat. I mean really, MY COAT! God, I haven't been treated like that in a long time. heh. Though I didn't give her my coat....I enjoy keeping my things close to me. Well we all sat around and spoke with the people, exchanged interests, and enjoyed pleasant conversation. It was pretty relaxing. We even played some music on the guitar that Sara, a guest to the dinner, had brought. Even Sara played us a few songs, she is quite talented, and a beginner, like myself (well at least the beginner part for me..). It was pretty fun I suppose. It definitely kept my mind off of things for a while. But eventually we all had to make our way back home. I can only hope the best for Robin's sake...I wish that he would do the same, and return back into his life with us. I don't want to lose him.

Invited?

a while ago on a Friday Malissa and I went to a party thrown by a guy named Eric Kesler. It was his 18th birthday, and I assume he wanted it to be really shnazzy. Though myself and Malissa aren't really close friends of Eric, we still somehow found ourselves going to his birthday party through the powers of conections. You see, Malissa is going out with Kaleb Jewel, a friend of ours, who is a cousin of Tyler Jewel, a friend of Eric's. Anyway, who gives a rotting monkey ass?....

It all started at around 6ish, Malissa and I were under the impression that we were supposed go to a concert held in the Farmers Market parking lot. Strange I thought, Why the poo would a concert be in the parking lot of a super market? Turns out, we were only supposed to 'gather' there, then migrate to a differen't location. Since we were dropped off believing we were already at our final destination, we found ourselves walking through the cold of the night.

Well, Sarah Garner, a good friend from school, was at the party. I was glad to see a farmilliar face there. Malissa and I went into the basement and stood around waiting for the concert to start. The bands playing were-..........CRAP...I can't remember the names of any of them accept for the last one that played....heh, well the last band was called Race the Sun a damn good band, to say the least. They played great.

For the first band that played Kaleb, Malissa, and I just stood in the there in the back of the tiney basement and calmly listened in to the rocking. It was pretty cool, but as most concerts begin, not many people were pumped up, thus leaving rather dull actions in the croud. Maybe a few heads bobbing, but that was it. That's not to say they weren't a good band, honestly they played great! It is just simply the fact that they went on first that brought the performance down a few points.

When the second band got up, plenty more rocking out went on, then leading into moshing. OOOO man I LOVE moshing! Malissa and I were kinda reluctant as to if we should go to the front and join the moshers or not, it looked rather severe. Heh, we did it anyway. We went crazy, My head was going EVERYWHERE!!! Long Katie hair whipping people in the face, my arms flung about like they belonged to a rag doll, and I bounced around pushing people. Man, it hurt! To be honest, the pain had an exciting thrill to it...don't ask me why.


so yeah, just thought I would post something positive, because I want to lighten up the mood a bit.

New header

wOOt! The layout of this blog has been updated by a new and improved header at the top of the page. Hope you guys like it!

-more possible layout changes to come-

She was freed

On Wednesday Tosha was released from the hospital to stay at home. She is currently staying at a woman's house with the name of Mary. Tosha cannot do a lot of the things she is normally used to doing for the next week. I am sorry for her troubles, but I know she will get better, and I can't wait until that happens. I hate it when she is saddened, I only wish the best for her.

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Today Kayla (my younger sister) was talking on the phone, I asked her who it was, and she didn't answer..I thought it a bit odd, because she came into my room to talk on the phone. "Kayla, why are you in here?" She didn't answer, just continued to talk on the phone. I was getting a bit irritated. "Kayla!" She finally answered, "I'm talking to Mary!" She doesn't know anyone named Mary, I thought. Then I heard a voice, a farmilliar voice. It was Tosha. They are toying with me! "Kayla! your talking to Tosha aren't you!" She couldn't help but smile, and giggle while she looked at me.

Yeah, so I knew it was Tosha, and I wanted to talk to her so badly. I was the one that was always trying to get in contact with her, and yet...I didn't recive any phone calls from her. Besides I hadn't spoken to her for a long time now, it seemed. I just wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk to me. She even said those words to Kayla. *sigh* what ever her reasoning is, I must learn to respect it. I know I can't always have things the way I want them to be. I don't want to be selfish...but....I just wanted to talk to her, I didn't see any harm in it. Oh well, I guess all that heavy medication, and pain can be a lot to deal with, and adding to much Katie to that could be a bit to much. Either that, or I am just overly sensitive, and just freaking out over something to minor.

A Major Uh Oh

Just recently my cousin Tosha went with my mom to the fast food restrant Wendy's. Tosha aparently ate something there (or just added on to an illness she had already been contaminated with) that made her thow up for 2 days. Tosha couldn't eat anything, and the moment she would try to, she would find herself throwing it back up again. As the days went on, she didn't have a thing in her stomach. She was in excruciating pain, a constant burn in her stomach, and throat would always be with her. She began to be thowing up acid, this wasn't a good sign.
At this time, it got way out of hand. Her mom, Dianna- finally took her to the hospital. We all waited an intire day in a half wondering if she was going to be alright. The phone rang. It was Tosha's mom. "Oh my god! I'm so glad to hear from you! how is Tosha doing??" I was so anxious.
"Well, she is doing alright now. Definetly better than before." That was good news to hear. She didn't talk long, because she wanted to talk to my mom. So I left the window of the facts I didn't know once again.....I hate being in the dark about things. Later that night Tosha called. "So Tosha, how are you doing?" Her voice sounded raspy and quiet.
"I'm doing okay.."
"So what are they doing to you there?"
"Well, they have just been doing Xrays and tests. I have to go through surgery." That very word scared me...and it still does.
"You do?! Why? what's wrong?"
"I have to get my apendix removed." I was silent for a few moments. I didn't know how serious this was going to get. I was worried for Tosha. She couldn't talk any longer because she had other family members to call. So, the conversation ended.
Just yesterday my mom and I went to visit Tosha in the hospital (hehe I got to drive on the freeway there! ahh...the power of permits!) When we got to the hospital we went to the gift shop located there to get her something. We decided to get her a hello kitty baloon, and a soft yellow teddy bear. After going though 3 elevators, and a bunch of long hallways, we came to the room she was in. I could hear her mom talking. In we went.
Tosha was on Morphine so she was in a surprisingly good mood that night. I told her about all that had been going on with my life, and she told me about how the hospital was. She hated it there. So much pain, and boredom. I feel so sorry for her! I'm so glad that her mom took her in when she did, had she not, even two days....Tosha could have died. I am so greatful that she is still still going to show me her beautiful smile, and her bright fun exsistance, all in good time. I will come and visit her through out this week. Hopefully she will be able to be out of the hospital by Wednesday. However, she will not be able to run around, or be that active..she will most likely be in plenty of pain for a while after.